


My Perfect Illusion

by HoneycombJin



Category: VIXX
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Personality Swap, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 03:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneycombJin/pseuds/HoneycombJin
Summary: My perfect illusion ;I look at his perfect stature .... He's leaning against the frame ..... Did Hyde come back ? I hope not .... I'm not ready for his rants tonight ...... Tomorrow will be a new day ....Another day to survive ....





	1. Chapter 1

My perfect illusion; 

*~* 

I loved the way he would drink his coffee . He'd sit there on the table , a book in hand and the cup in the other , drinking the warm liquid from time to time . He'd look so peaceful ..... So .... Calm . 

It was the only time I'd see him as someone .... normal . He'd sometimes look at me and smile , oh how I lived for that smile . Then , he'd place the cup and the book down and wait for me to accompany him . 

He'd look at the marks and frown , his eyes held sadness . We didn't like talking about it .... we'd do it silently . He'd treat the imprints with care while holding me . He'd mumble the words I'd been hearing for the last 4 years now . 

Then,  he'd go to the bedroom and change into his work clothes . He'd always worry about a sudden outburst , but I'd assure him that he'd be fine . He'd kiss me goodbye and the door would close . I'd wait for the car engine to slowly fade away and then my day began. 

We were both very clean and organized, so the house was always in good shape but I'd still have to clean the furniture and attend the garden outside . But before all this , I'd have to put on my "magic" mask . 

People would look at the house and the garden and immediately think "oh ! They for sure live a happy life " . I'd snort . 

I died every day . 

I died every night . 

Why ? 

Because I was stubborn . 

I lived in a lie . We both lived in a lie . Pills don't always work you know . I remember the first time we encountered . I was a waitress , serving a stranger . That was until my coworker - who I still believe to this day is the devil - decided to shove me causing me to spill the hot coffee all over him . 

It was chaos that day . 

I had paid the bill for the hospital . I had walked into his room with a timid face . I had just burned the guy . I apologized numerous times while studying the man's face . He was gorgeous ..... But .... Something felt odd . 

Of course , back then I hadn't paid too much attention . Yet to this day , I still remember seeing his eyes turn into a lighter shade of brown . He had been tensed before , as if he was struggling , only to have  his whole composure relax . 

I should've taken that as a sign . 

I'd thought the man would never come back . But I was surprised to see him come the next Tuesday . This became a routine . He'd come and order , I'd prepare and serve . I picked up little habits of his . When he was stressed , his fingers would tap continuously on the table . When he was mad , his voice would turn softer and quieter . When he was sad , he'd respond in mumbles and whispers . When he was happy , he'd grin . 

I loved that grin . I had developed a sort of crush for him . In fact , I had the same thing prepared for every Tuesday . He'd order the same thing anyway . One day , he asked me out . I've  responded yes . 

The date was beautiful . We had dined in an Italian restaurant , who I later learned was owned by two of his friends , then we walked in the light garden . A garden where the lights illuminate the flowers , trees , and vines . The fountain flowed with crystal clear water that surrounded the flowers and the path we walked in . 

Since that night , I had fallen for him . 

*~* 

My parents had accepted us . His ..... were   a bit hesitant. His father didn't seem to keen on the idea . His mother had asked to speak to me in private . I didn't understand her back then , but now I did .

"Our boy is a bit ..... Unique .... You see sweetheart ... Is patience sometimes isn't too good for waiting and when that happens ... Well , let's say that he turns into something that isn't very pleasant ..." She said . I didn't comprehend but I answered "It's okay Ahjumma, I love your  son and I am sure I could handle his outbursts .... " . 

I thought she was joking . I mean , every couple has its ups and downs .... So what would make us different? They didn't bother us anymore as soon as we made it  clear that we wanted to be together . 

It had been a year later when I heard the conversation between our parents . 

_"He's been having the symptoms since high school .... We asked the doctors and they've confirmed it ..."_

_"What if he does something to our daughter ?"_

_"That's why we must keep them apart .... He isn't ..... Capable of having a normal life .... He's ..... Problematic ..."_

_"From what you're telling me , it seems you don't care for him "_

_"Of course we do , we've tried to make him have a normal life but it's been getting out of control lately , but when he's with your daughter he's .... Peaceful ... But it won't be like that forever , he'll slash out again "_

_"So what do we do ?"_

_"I told you , keep them apart "_

I had been utterly disgusted. I thought we were going to be fine . Had he been hiding something from me too ? I had called him and told him about what I'd heard . 

I remember waiting for him to come to my apartment and when he had arrived I remember noticing his eyes a darker shade . But stupid me didn't pay attention to that . 

"We have to leave ... Now " 

I was shocked . "What ? No ! We can't just leave like that " I said , trying to reason with him . "No you don't get it , they're trying to put us apart ... I can't have that ...." He said as he hurriedly grabbed my suitcases . I watched in shock as he burst into my room grabbing any sort of clothing and stuffing it into the suitcases . 

I didn't even have to be embarrassed when he had gotten into my underwear drawer because I was still trying to understand the situation. "If you care about this relationship ... And if you love me .... Then please .... Please come with me " he pleaded , his voice breaking . 

That had me torn . I didn't want to leave my life here . I had a perfect job , a perfect family , a perfect friend circle , and a perfect system here . But thinking about him leaving and i staying behind was a nightmare . I couldn't live without him . 

So I grabbed my other suitcase and started placing shoes , products , and accessories in there . After we were done ,he placed the suitcases  in his car's  trunk while I grabbed my money and sat in the passengers seat . 

We stayed there quiet for a moment . Frozen . Not sure if this was a good decision or not . He slowly started the car and I looked at his pale face , it seemed paler than before . We drove away from our home . 

*~* 

The first few months were hard , we couldn't find a place to live or a job . We slept in the car and bathed in the public bathrooms . We ate from the snacks we bought in the gas stations . 

Until he had gotten a job in a store nearby . We saved money , bought a one-room apartment, and slowly grew accustomed to our new home . 

Months passed , he got promoted to become a manager . Became one, then was promoted to be a manager to two stores , then more and more privileges came . I had worked in the cafe I found but I soon quit when he had told me he didn't want me to get tired out . 

We were making enough money anyway . 

We bought a new apartment , much more better than the last . Finally , our lives had become better . 

That was .... until the marks started appearing . I don't know why I let them appear . Maybe it was because I was afraid . I was afraid of being treated badly if I returned . Maybe my parents wouldn't want me back , or maybe they'd pretend I didn't exist . 

Who would blame them ? 

The marks at first hurt .... But then my body became numb . He'd tell me they were beautiful. I sort of believed him . 

He'd give them small pecks and then he'd hug me and whisper small words . I felt comforted . It wasn't his fault . It was the other man's fault . 

It was unexpected. One minute he'd be fine . The next he'd lash out and the marks appeared once more , not letting the old ones heal properly. Maybe that was why we moved out of the apartment and settled into a house with a good distance from society . 

"I'm sorry , I can't do anything about it ! I can't protect you ! I kept hurting you ! " 

After that conversation, we decided it would be better to not talk about it . I had finally began to understood what his mother was talking about . But it was too late . I had no escape . 

There was one time , he had injured my legs a bit too much . I couldn't walk because of the pain , the doctor had told us it was better to wear casts and be on a wheelchair for a time . 

He couldn't stay so he hired someone . The boy was in high school . He was very respectful , patient , and nice . He reminded me of how he'd be before all this . He seemed entertained whenever is read him some of the books we had . I'd help him with his homework and his projects . 

He told me I was like the mother he never had . I told him he was like the son I'd  never have . It was true . I was infertile .   
I enjoyed having someone to talk to . He saw the bruises once and asked if anything was wrong . 

"Hyukkie.... It's okay .... It's from the accident I had ..." I explained . He was still hesitant but after I made it clear it wasn't a topic to discuss , he had never spoken about it . One day he told me about the Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde story . 

They reminded me so much of him . Hyukkie had a very bright spirit . One of the happiest memories I had , was when we went to the park and we had stumbled upon him and his brother . 

His brother was a photographer . He took photos of us and our little activities . He had told us that he'd give us copies of them . When Hyuk arrived with them I lit up . We looked so happy . Almost like a family . 

But then I healed . Hyuk left , his visits becoming less and less . It came to the point he'd visit one time a month . I became miserable again . Soon , we  became good friends with two men who owned a store that became a trading partner with the store my Jekyll owned . 

They were really nice . Jaehwan was a funny man , always making us laugh . Wonshik was serious like my Jekyll but still knew how to make conversations and was not afraid to express his feelings . I was happy again , but once more ... our contacts limited down . 

The marks wouldn't disappear and neither would he . I remember seeing the blood smear on the carpet . It had taken a week to get the thing off . 

I was numb . I had no emotions . I had no will to go outside . I had no reason to make friends . They'd be gone anyway . That was until I met him . Hakyeon. 

He was funny and made me smile . He never asked me about my tired state , about the heavy makeup on my face, about the empty eyes I had . He'd just give me reasons to smile . 

"Don't give up on life miss " 

I almost laughed . I already did . 

"Your husband .. He's .... Okay right ?" 

I nodded . But the other man isn't . 

"Here miss , take these so you could cook a nice meal today " 

We won't eat it anyway . Or at least not me . 

"Would you like to see some of or new flowers ? Remember you told me about your garden ? Maybe you'd like some ?" 

No . I need lights . Lights for my garden . 

"Where's your ring ? Did you forget it ?" 

No . It's under the bed . 

"Here , there's a little coffee to help you wake up !" 

I hate coffee .

"Are you okay ?! Are you hurt ?!" 

This is nothing . I've felt more pain than this . 

"If you need someone to talk to me ... Trust me okay ? I'm your friend " 

You'll leave me . Like everyone does . 

"Sorry , he's not here today " 

I knew it . 

"Hello , I'm the new employee  , may I assist you in anything ?" 

No . Where's Hakyeon ? He knows how to help me . 

"Hello miss , I'm sorry but I won't work here anymore .... I work in a company now !" 

Don't go Hakyeon please . 

*~*

Marks . 

Marks . 

Marks . 

They just never went away . 

They stuck to my skin like glue . My bones were noticeable . My eyes were dull . I had no one now . My Jekyll was almost always Hyde now . 

My Jekyll was gone . 

My Jekyll . 

My Jekyll who would give me a reason to live . My Jekyll who would take care of the marks Hyde would leave behind . My perfect Jekyll who is nothing but an illusion now . My perfect illusion . 

Sometimes , with my perfect illusion , I'd wake up with an arm hugging me tight . I'd wake up with soft kisses and "I love you's" . He'd return and receive me with love and warmth . 

That was my perfect illusion. 

My reality however , was a lot more different . Hyde was there when he'd return . Hyde was there when he'd see me . Hyde was there when he'd give me the marks . 

Hyde was there when Hyukkie came . Hyde was there when Hongbin came . Hyde was there when Hakyeon came .   
Hyde was there when Jaehwan came.   
Hyde was there when Wonshik came .

Hyde was there when they all left . It took me a while to understand that . But , the bastard wasn't there when they found my marks . The bastard wasn't there when they accused my sweet Jekyll of doing it . The bastard wasn't there when they took my Jekyll away . The bastard had the audacity to hide when my sweet Jekyll was taken away from me and humiliated . 

I tried to tell them that my Jekyll did not give  me these marks . But they didn't believe me . The 'friends ' I made came back . They accompanied me as I moved in with Hongbin and Hyuk . They tried making me happy by giving me presents and treats and such .

All I wanted was my Jekyll . I wanted him to hold me , kiss my marks , and tell me how much he loved me and how much he was sorry . All the therapies and hospital visits he received helped in nothing . Hyde was still there and I knew it . 

One day , while I was back in my wheelchair and being strolled around by my Hyukkie, we came across a small garden . Then I remembered . My garden ! My light garden ! The flowers were dying ! 

"H-Hyukkie..." I said , my voice raspy since I had chosen to be mute since they took my Jekyll away . Hyuk literally cheered when he heard my voice . I didn't care though , my garden was more important and serious here . 

"G-Garden Hyukkie .... Garden !" I said . His eyebrows furrowed and he asked what I meant by that . "H-Home ! Home g-garden !" I said , trying to scream. His lips went straight and he tried distracting me but no . 

My garden was dying . 

"H-Home!! G-Garden!!" I said loud enough . He sighed and told me I couldn't go back . I started crying . I want my garden . I want to see my personal light garden . I want to see the reminder of our love . 

I sobbed all the way to Hongbin's house  , throwing a child's tantrum . After a day or two of repeating the same thing over and over again I found myself in front of my home . I stumbled in eager to get to my garden .

I went outside and felt a twinge of happiness when seeing my pretty garden with the lights that was currently off . I searched for our flower . The one that Jekyll and I had planted together . 

I immediately went towards it when I caught sight of it . I didn't care if tears streamed down my face as I noticed a small envelope with a ring on top of it besides the stem of the flower . 

With shaky hands I grabbed it and let out a choked laugh seeing the handwriting of my sweet Jekyll . 

_To my sweet periwinkle ,_

_I'm sorry . I'm sorry for not being able to control this monster inside of me . For not being to give you a life you deserve . I was stupid to think we'd be okay if we left . I was forced to go by Leo . Leo has always hurt you . Leo has always given you those bruises , burns , and cuts . I hate that . I'm sorry , I'm sorry you met me , I'm sorry I made you come with me , I'm sorry I can't control Leo . I'm sorry Periwinkle really I am . I haven't been a very  good husband .... Nor will I ever be ._

_I should've listened to my parents . When they told me I couldn't live a normal life I had ignored them . I understand them now . It's okay periwinkle . It's okay because Leo isn't going to hurt you anymore . Listen , forget about me . Throw the ring away . Throw our memories together away . Don't be afraid anymore . Live your life and go back with your parents ._

_You'll be happier I promise okay periwinkle? I love periwinkle , I love you ._

_Love ,_

_Taekwoon_

*~* 

I laid in my bed as I looked out into the window . My hands clutched at the two rings . My other hand clutched the letter . I couldn't let go . I wouldn't either . My appearance changed drastically . I had darker eye bags , my bones were showing more . 

The marks were fading away though. 

I didn't move when I heard my mother's weeping voice . Four years . Four years since I've seen her . However , when she blocked my view I was forced to look up at her . "My sweet angel , oh my sweet baby " she said , weeping and sobbing as she cradled me against her . 

I felt dead . 

My head rolled back and my arms laid by my sides as I made no effort to hug her back or even move . "Look at you , oh baby " I heard my father's sobbing voice . I almost rolled my eyes as he touched the fading mark . 

I moved my hand away . 

Nobody was allowed to touch my marks . Only my Jekyll . 

I stayed quiet for the rest of the time . I only listened to their rambles as they kept grabbing my hands and my face . 

I was surrounded by people who love me . People who would help me get back in track . 

But my Jekyll did that too . 

My perfect Jekyll .   
My perfect Taekwoon .   
My perfect illusion. 


	2. Explanation

the OC ( I have not found a name for her so you guys can name her whatever you want :P ) is (obviously ) a girl blinded by her love for Taekwoon ( Leo stans I'm sorry i made him into this character when all he wants to do is cuddle and  play with cats and babysit cute babies ) who suffers from border  personality disorder ( hence the Jekyll and Hyde references in this story ) . The second personality is named 'Leo' who is abusive and has anger issues , which is why the OC had 'marks' . 

 

**Jekyll and Hyde**

I kind of made some things symbolic ? (which failed badly ) . The Jekyll the OC refered to is Taekwoon while the Hyde she refered to was Leo . Taekwoon would take care of the aftermath Leo would leave behind which is why the OC stated that her jekyll cured her while Hyde gave her the marks .  

**The other vixx members**

the members didn't really have such an important role , they were merely side characters who helped move the plot . They were meant to symbolize how lonely the OC was and how she had to be weary in society . Why? She didn't trust them . She always mentioned how they always left , so thats why I made them represent her loneliness . 

 

**The scene where they took taekwoon away**

okay so here , the OC mentioned how Hyde wasn't there when they took her Jekyll away . Basically she was saying how Leo had 'disappeared ' when they found out about the OC being abused . So they obviously thought Taekwoon did it ( jekyll ) and took him away . Taekwoon had been the one present and not Leo when they took him away . 

**Hope this clears some confusion for you :P**


End file.
